Through My Eyes

Every day when I wake up,

I risk my life for the ones I love.

It’s hard sometimes…

To watch my comrades fall…

I pray so often,

I pray I will survive.

The Lord will help me,

So I won’t be so afraid!

I long to see my family:

The small town in Virginia

Where I grew up…

I bet so much has changed.

I fight so hard…

And not just for America,

I’ve my own reasons, as well…

I want to prove to everyone and myself

That I can be strong!

But all I want now,

Is to make it home.

I Love My Two Darlings

Things That Never Change

1. My height
2. My awkwardness
3. Feeling like no one really understands
4. Feeling  like I’m different
5. Wanting to help those two feel better when I know I can’t
6. My love for My Chemical Romance
7. Those nights I spent with him
8. My weird ideas
9. My belief in cryptids
10. My hopes to become a novelist
11. How perfect I feel in his arms
12. How beautiful he makes me feel
13. How human beings never cease to amaze me (for better or worse)
14. My love for him
15. My love for her

(5, 14, and 15.)

You never truly understand

Love

Until you meet a person who

Amazes you

You’ve never met a girl like her

You’ve never met a guy like him

In many ways they are

Alike

I love them

In many ways they are different

Very different pains

I wish I could heal their wounds

Hers inflicted by Man

His inflicted by Mind

I love my two

A man

A woman

Is love so strict,

I cannot love without lust?

He has my love

She has my love

I want to marry him

I want to safeguard her

I love my two darlings

She Says She Loves Him

Screaming and screaming

My heart’s going to burst

Screaming and screaming

Vile lust

Silence and silence

She says not to tell

Silence and silence

I just want to yell

Burning and burning

Her blood on the floor

Burning and burning

He comes for her once more

She says she loves him

His damage is grim

Psychotic

“I’m not psychotic. I just like psychotic things.” –Gerard Way

How macabre is my mind
Just like a grizzly nightmare
Here, sanity is hard to find

I sit alone and bide my time
I find myself just sitting there
How macabre is my mind

Sometimes I feel colorblind
Sometimes I can’t find any air
Here, sanity is hard to find

All my thoughts are intertwined
Sometimes it all too much to bear
How macabre is my mind

But I will come out redefined
As everyone likes to stare
Here, sanity is hard to find

I am a jewel, now refined
But be careful--beware
How macabre is my mind
Here, sanity is hard to find

When Life Sets You Free

Free is never being told you have to do your hair a certain way

Free is never being told you’re not normal

Free is being able to run wildly through the woods—going nowhere in particular

Free is your first sip of dirty creek water—the best kind

Free is being wrapped in the arms of the lover your parents hate

Free is walking barefoot through the tall grass

Free is never being told “Be home by 10!”

Free is speeding down the highway wit three friends you just made

Free is that feeling of loneliness you feel your first night alone

Free is working part-time trying to save for an apartment

Free is $40,000 a year for classes you’re now failing

Free is changing your major five times

Free is falling in love with someone ad not caring what your Mom might say

Free is being content living off of blue-box macaroni and cup ramen

Free is making decisions for yourself for once

Free is figuring out who you really are

Free is having nothing yet, but having everything now

Flying to Feel Alive

Against my better judgment
I found myself in that car.
We didn’t care about crashing.
We didn’t care about police.
We were just flying down the highway.
It felt like we were flying.

In that time of flying,
I must have lost all judgement.
Going 80 down the highway
In a little bullet car.
We never did see any police.
There was no sign of crashing.

I wasn’t until later I even thought about crashing.
All I felt was flying
Past the trees and grazing deer, never fearing the police.
Now there was no time for silly judgement
Only laugher filled that tiny car.
I felt alive on that dark highway.

It was only us ripping down that highway.
There was no way we’d end up crashing.
In that moment, the whole world was that car.
Who knew that, still tires to the asphalt, I could be flying?
That’s something that takes skewed judgement.
But we would be judged, if only by the police.

Who are these police?
Just Nazis of the highway.
And that is my judgement.
If we had ended up crashing,
Would we had been sent flying
Through the glass of that little black car?

Just change gears again; trust the car.
Nothing can stop us, not the police.
I want to stay flying
Down that dark old highway
With no thought of crashing.
No second thought; no mortal judgement.

It takes all your judgement driving that car.
Crashing never entered our thoughts as we looked out for police.
We were plowing down that highway– flying.

Behind The Walls

       Four feet by what seemed miles and miles of empty space... Wow. I’d already ran to each end and inspected them both throughly. Solid. Each end took days to reach, and somehow that wretched girl always reached the end before I could. She was always standing there laughing at me. I assume she was on the outside. She couldn’t talk to me. Or maybe she tried, and I couldn’t hear her. Maybe it’s better I couldn’t.

I’ll never know how I ended up in this place. I wasn’t even sure if it was possible to get out... or if I even wanted to get out. It’s safe in here.

***

Yet again, I found myself hopelessly walking to an end on the space. The days I spent walking were strange. I could see things going on in the world. Some days what I saw was beautiful, others it was vile and obscene. On a beautiful day, I could see a happy young woman having her morning tea with who appeared to be her love. The looked so like they’d be such different people from each other, yet they looked so happy together. They were in perfect harmony. I was happy to see that. I loved her.

Some times on beautiful days, there’s the moon. During the day, yes. The moon is purple. She kisses the sun and he smiles brightly, changing from a smoldering grey to a passionate red. The two lovers dance in the sky together as the stars sing a beautiful serenade I’ll never be able to explain. I love you hum along as I walk along.

However, on vulgar days, I see a girl crying. She’s got her knees against her chest. She’s biting her own arm, trying not to scream. I can’t imagine feeling so desperate. Or maybe I can.

   On obscene days, I see this foul creature run along the outside of the space matching my speed. This creature looks nearly completely white. It looks as if it was ripped its own eyes out. Blood stained its finger tips. It had gnarled teeth that looked as if they could rip the skin off your bones. This creature disturbed me.

***

    Finally, I reached the end. She was there again. But this time was different. I walked right up to her and pressed my face against the wall. It felt cold like glass. “Go away.” I growled. “You’re blocking my exit.” She didn’t budge. In fact, she began sipping tea. “You’re in my way!” I started screaming. She was the moon. The sun wasn’t here. She didn’t dance. “I want out!” I screeched. She began to cry. “I won’t let you hold me here anymore! I won’t be bound by you anymore!” I riled back and tried to hurt her. I hit the glass. Enraged, I slammed my fist against the wall, it rang out. I trashed it again and again and again and screamed as loud as I could. I had stopped hitting the glass, but I continued to scream. My lungs felt as if they were going to burst but then -clink. That tiny sound halted me. I looked at the glass. The girl stood there looking back at me. A small crack appeared, just over her face. I reached out and placed my hand it. She put hers against mine. Smash! Her hand busted through! It was white; her finger tips stained blood red. The monstrous hand grasped mine. I felt the cold hand exerting a pressure I thought would surely crush mine. I pushed back with all my might. I pushed and pushed, gripping the wall beside me to hold myself steady. I nearly lost my footing when the girl let out an awful shriek and arm flew through the wall. The force from my body shattered the glass.