Wild eyes peer through the leaves.
The Earth's-breath rushes through the trees.
A low growl breaks the silence;
Ears twitch sensing violence.
In the dusk and misty twilight,
Their paws tread through the dark night.
Their noses search,
Poised, ready to lurch
On a fur-feast– chilled to the core.
Their paws thrash on the forest floor.
Finally, they’ve caught the scent!
This is the end of the packs’ lament!
Sierra,
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to put two other kennings in the poem itself.
That aside, the imagery here is great. Especially "the wind rushes"...I always love good personification.
I urge you to try a rewrite and take out all the verbs with an -ing ending. See what happens.
The quatrain, couplet, quatrain, couplet pattern is interesting. Why did you choose that order of stanzas?
(Of course, you don't have to rewrite the poem, that was not part of the assignment, but you do need to add two kennings if you want to meet all the requirements for this week...but if you want to rewrite I will read and comment on it)
I love it! exspecially the Earths-breath kennings :) so sweet how you changed wind to that!
ReplyDeleteBut yeah good job on the changes made to it!
but go figure you write about wolves :P
Thank you, Miss Clark! I edited it. I'm not sure how my format came about. Really it manafested itself. When I had finished, something about the line pattern simply felt right.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mason. Wolves are my favorite animals.
Sierra,
ReplyDeleteNice revision! You still have one -ing verb, but I'll give it to you. Since you are interested in creative writing... Rule of thumb: -ing verbs mess with the rhythm and flow of the poem, that is why you hardly ever see them in poetry. Not to say it isn't possible, of course!
And I agree with Mason...I love "Earth's-breath." I especially love how you capitalized "Earth." Imagine how different it would have been if you didn't...